School Children Writing About The Sea

Kids really do say the darndest things ……..

(word of caution, naughty words come out of the mouths of babes – It doesn’t really count though … right?)

  • This is a picture of an octopus.  It has eight testicles. (Kelly age 6) 
  • Oysters’ balls are called pearls. (James age 6) 
  • If you are surrounded by sea you are an Island.  If you don’t have sea all round you, you are incontinent. ( Wayne age 7) 
  • Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily Richardson.  She’s not my friend no more. (Kylie age 6)
  • A dolphin breathes through an arsehole on the top of its head. (Billy age 8) 
  • My dad goes out in his boat, and comes back with crabs.  (Emily Burniston age 5) 
  • When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the ocean.  Sometimes, when the wind didn’t blow, the sailors would whistle to make the wind come.  My brother said they would be better off eating beans. (William age 7)
  • I like mermaids. They are beautiful, and I like their shiny tails. .How do mermaids get pregnant? (Helen age 6) 
  • Some fish are dangerous.  Jellyfish can sting.  Electric eels can give you a shock.  They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug themselves into chargers. (Christopher age 7) 
  • When you go swimming in the sea, it is very cold, and it makes my willy small. (Kevin age 6) 
  • Divers have to be safe when they go under the water.  Two divers can’t go down alone, so they have to go down on each other. (Becky age 8) 
  • On holiday my Mum went water skiing.  She fell off when she was going very fast.  She says she won’t do it again because water shot up her fanny (Julie age 7) 

Ahhh kids – if you have any funny tales from the little water munchkins – send them in!

Lauren